Jokes page 18
A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side onan airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said:
"So, where y'all from?"
The New York girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:
"So, where y'all from, bitch?"
A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word 'indefinitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class.
But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim.
Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely."
"Good" the teacher replies. "What about you Jenny?"
Jenny says, "Since the bus broke down, transportation has been stopped indefinitely."
The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there's Little Johnny waving his hand again. And the teacher thinks... (Maybe he really does know the answer), so she calls on him. Johnny stands up and says,
"As I felt my balls slap against her ass, I knew that I was in definitely! *
This blond gets pulled over by a cop. The cop comes up to the window.
"Can I see your drivers license?" says the cop. "We'll,
what's that?" asks the blond. "It's something saying your old
enough to drive." says
Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly calls her and urges her to get back into the world.
Finally, Sadie agrees to go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter
immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating
One room and the normal follow up to that. Their first night there she undresses. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore,
but down there I am still in mourning." He knows he's not getting
lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. Her standing
She looks at him and asks, "What's with this... a black condom?"
He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences."
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice. I'll have the same thing he's having."
A blonde and a brunette are both in an elevator. On the third floor a man enters, and he is absolutely perfect: Italian suit, handsome, great build with a nice butt, but unfortunately they both notice he has a bad case of dandruff. The man gets off on the 5th floor. Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Someone should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders?"
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read...
Smile....it's the 2nd best thing you can do with your lips.
One day a blonde was starting her car, and it was snowing heavily. There was snow all over the roads. She remembered her dad had told her to wait around for a snowplow and follow it on snowy mornings. So she did just that. She followed a plow all over town.
Finally, the driver got out and asked the blonde if everything was all right. She said, "Yes," and told him what her daddy had told her to do.
The driver said, "Well, I just finished the WalMart parking lot, now you can follow me to K-mart."
It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death?' "
She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.
"Now," said the teacher, "who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?' "
Again there was no response except from Toshiba. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."
As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper, "Damned Japanese."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said.
At that point, feeling completely disgusted by Toshiba's classroom superiority, a student in the back sighed and said, "I'm gonna throw up."
Teacher said, "Who said that?"
Again, Toshiba raised his hand and said, "George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Well suck my dick!"
Once again, it was Toshiba with the answer, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997."
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly after this started, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.
He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back."
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by. Then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today and I don't understand what it means."
The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and read it and I will explain it to you."
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack, and died.
The wife picked up the card and read, "Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. Two with sausage and meatballs, two without."
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Bob lived in an apartment building and had to walk down the hall every morning to get his mail. One morning while getting his mail, his new, drop-dead gorgeous neighbor came out of her apartment towards him. As she leaned over to get her mail her robe opened a bit. Bob could hardly believe it, she wasn't wearing a thing under her robe. The woman leaned closer to Bob and said good morning.
This time her robe opened up completely. She purred to Bob that she hadn't had a man in years. He could hardly keep eye contact. She said she heard someone coming and that they should go to her apartment.
They went inside and she let the robe fall to the floor. "What do you think my best feature is?"
Bob stuttered and drooled a bit, and finally said, "Your ears."
"What do you mean my ears? Look at me. I have perfect breasts, a nice tight ass, and legs to die for! What on earth made you say ears?"
"Well," said Bob, "in the hall, you said you heard someone coming? That was me!"
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?"
The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A pig farmer in Alabama was trying to get his pigs to breed, with no success. Every morning, he'd run outside to the barn and perform a pregnancy test on the female pigs. Everyday, the results were negative. The farmer was baffled.
One day, he called the local vet and asked for some advice. The farmer explained that he couldn't get his pigs to mate. The vet replied, "Try artificial insemination."
"What's that?" the farmer asked.
The veterinarian said, "It just means if you can't get your pigs to mate, you'll have to do it for them."
So the next day the farmer rounded his pigs into the back of his pickup and headed into the woods. Soon he stopped, and one by one he shagged each of the pigs.
Later that week, the farmer checked the pigs. None of them were pregnant! So the farmer took the pigs out again and shagged them really good.
After days of this, with no pregnant pigs, the farmer gave up. One morning as he went to feed the pigs, he arrived to find that the pigs were all missing! He ran back inside the house and shouted, "Wife! The pigs are gone!"
His wife replied, "Honey you're not going to believe this, but all of your pigs are sitting in your pickup, and one of them is honking the horn."
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous, sexy, young woman entered. The man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly attentive stare and walked directly toward him.
Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, with one condition."
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.
He looked deeply into her eyes and slowly said, "Paint my house."
On the outskirts of town, there was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucket with nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence.
Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered. "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery."
He cycled down the road as fast as he could and found an old man hobbling along with a cane. "Come here quick," said the boy. "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls."
The man said, "Shoo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is." But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence, they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's find out if we can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, but they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought-iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."
They say the old guy made it back to town five minutes before the boy.
A young Bloke had been seriously dating three lovely girls, and was finally faced with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of them one thousand dollars.
The first girl went for a complete hair and face makeover, new clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look saying, "I want to be at my most beautiful for you. Why? Because I love you, dear."
The second girl returned with new playstation games and golf equipment, a new stereo VCR and a month's supply of beer saying, "I bought all these things for you. They're my gifts to you, because I love you so."
The third girl invested the $1,000 wisely and very quickly doubled her original amount. She reinvested the profits which continued to multiply and returned the first thousand to the young man saying, "I have taken your money and made it grow as an investment in our future together. That's how much I love you, my dear."
The luck young man was very impressed by all of their responses. And, after giving long and careful consideration, he married the one with the biggest tits.
If Only ......
"Twenty Responses to Use With Telemarketers
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . ."
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her
if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her
back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out
their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering
you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing.
The President and Mrs. Clinton were in the front row at a Yankees game.
The row behind them was taken up with Secret Service agents.
The President shook the hands of those near him and got high fives all around.
The Secret Service agent leaned over again and whispered, "Mr. President, I said it's time to throw out the first pitch."
One day mom was cleaning junior's room. In the closet she found an S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.
She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."
An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school
in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it
true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then
sue the landowners for lots of money?"
"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around
that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a
lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time
One day a scrawny little man wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit came in and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
A really great salesman is one who can actually make his wife feel sorry for the girl who lost her panties and bra in his car.
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of the sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if you would permit me, sir."
The husband, being very concerned, agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said, "Okay, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee I'll withdraw my penis and the bee should follow my penis out of your wife's vagina."
The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said, "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it!"
So the doctor covered the tip of his penis with honey and inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed.
The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud.
The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
At this point the husband suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the hell do you think you're doing?"
The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
How many men does it take to open a beer?
Jake was on his deathbed. His wife, Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, and tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Susan," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Don't talk."
He was insistent. "Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan. "Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother."
"I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you."
A 64-year-old accountant left a letter for his wife one Friday evening that read, "Dear wife, I am 64, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18-year-old secretary."
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read, "Dear husband, I too am 64, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18-year-old boy toy. Being an accountant, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 64 many more times than 64 goes into 18."
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say, "fuck"?
Did you hear about the gay guy who wears a nicotine patch on his penis?
How Dogs and Men Are the Same
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
How Dogs Are Better Than Men
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.
This blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits."
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
Mr. Brown, a racist Australian was going on a tour and about to board
the tour bus. He goes around socializing. "Hi, I'm Brown, spelt 'B
R O W N'.
Two Italian virgins get married and go on their honeymoon.
The young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather
about sex. He asked how often you should have it.
"Oh, we just have oral sex now." "What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked. "Well," Grandpa said,"She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. And she yells, 'Fuck You', and I hollar back, 'Fuck You too.'"
This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of bulls for stud.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off.
A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year. The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments: "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: Another fine specimen. This wonder reproduced
120 times last year. Again the wife bugs her husband.
The third bull is up for sale: And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year! The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells: "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, "Sure,
once a day!
St. Peter is tired of standing at the pearly gates and giving or denying
access to Heaven, so he notices Jesus walking by and asks him to watch
the front desk for a bit. Jesus says he'd be happy to.
The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation released
by the Chief of Naval Operations, of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in Oct. 1995. Reprinted in the Memorial
University campus newspaper.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship, I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER US MISSOURI. WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW !
Canadians: THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE. Your call.
Three men; a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding
in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three
men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where
St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.
This chap dies and starts to ascend jacob's ladder along the way he meets
an unattractive woman who tells him -
One Cantonese speaking family has just employed a new maid who can only speaks English.
The mother has problems teaching the new maid how to talk to the baby into taking milk from the bottle because the maid couldn't speak a single Cantonese dialect.
The father pondered for quite a while, called the maid over and instructed her to keep saying "5 5 6 9 9 ... 5 5 6 9 9" whenever she wants to feed the baby from the bottle.
Puzzled, the maid followed his instructions and hey presto! the baby finished the milk each time. Well, curiosity got the better of her, so she couldn't help asking the father ...
The father nonchalantly replied, "5 5 6 9 9 in our dialect is 'fai fai sek nai nai' which, literally translated is 'hurry up and finish the milk'
A Taiwanese man with very poor, practically no, English knowledge once visited the US. His name happened to be: Teng Xiao Ping.
At the Immigration, the officer asked him a few questions to verify his true intention of coming to the US:-
First he was asked: "What is the last name of our first President?"
Second question was:"What do u come to the US for?"
"What car do u drive back home?" The tourist thought he was
asked of his marital status, so he exclaimed:"Wa Bo Bo."(in
Hokkien meaning I have no wife).
The fourth question was:"Who is the most popular basket ball player
here in the US?" By this time our Taiwanese friend was getting a
bit impatient and annoyed hence shouted:"Mai Ho Wa Ja Dan."(meaning:
Don't let me here wait).
There was a world-wide conference of housewives, and they were all discussing
the problems that they had getting their husbands to do anything around
the house. They all agreed to go home, slam their fist on the table, express
their displeasure and tell them that things had to change.
A story is told that Leonardo da Vinci painted "The Lord's Supper"
The World Council of Religions decided to form a subcommittee to decide
on the thorny issue of how to divide the congregation offerings between
the temple and the priest. Money collected must be spent both on the upkeep
of the temple and the needs of the priest, but how to decide how much
should go to each?
Lee Kuan Yew and Goh Chok Tong were among the world leaders in Hong Kong
for the handover ceremony and were at a tea party at the governor's mansion.
As can be expected of such a grand event, the dignitaries were served
with the finest silverware and the rarest of antique porcelain crockery.
FOLLOW IMPLICITLY THE INSTRUCTIONS BELOW.
THIS IS QUITE INTERESTING!
On a blank piece of paper draw a pig.
- Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.
The newlyweds left the sex therapists office determined to develop more
effective body language.
A Canadian and an American were arguing about which nationality had the
most virile men. They compared organ lengths and endurance along with
a bunch of statistics. Another man overheard the conversation and suggested
that the only way to settle the argument would be to collect some female
volunteers and have each man satisfy as many as they could in one night,
keeping score like honest gentlemen.
The American started working with one woman and when he was finishd he put a tick mark on a piece of paper ( | ). The next woman took a little longer, and when he finished he placed a second tick mark on the paper ( || ). The third woman took him forever and when he was finally finished and exhausted he put a third tick mark on the paper ( ||| ) and fell asleep.
"This is your SCORE!" he exclaimed. The American proudly said that it was. The Canadian then sheepishly said "I must admidt that you beat me by two.
"BY TWO!!!!" exclaimed the American
"Yeah. It must be my advancing age or something, because last night I only managed to get 109."
Beatle's Song - Yesterday
If there is something copyright protected in there, let me know and I can take
it down or put a reference to it's origin.
But the most important thing: Give me new, more jokes!
Last Updated: 02.06.05